This maybe one of my most semi-professional work outfits, and I kind of like that it is still very me in the sense that it is not your typical black pants and button-up. I don’t ever think I could wear something like that, I have one black high-waisted skirt, and I almost never wear it because I feel like it just isn’t me. It’s a little “too-polished”. Hell, I can’t even manage to get the wrinkles out of my dresses before I wear them; I am not one for the title “polished”.
Lately I have been thinking a lot about my personal image, and my “status” in society. It seems almost every time I sign on Facebook, or go to a family gathering, or even talk to co-workers, I feel that I am constantly being shoved into a little category. When asked about what I got my degree in, English, I am always asked if I plan on teaching someday, because an English degree couldn’t possibly be used for anything else. I hate that the fact that I bought a house and am getting married are symbols of success, rather than happiness. I bought a house because I wanted to have my own space to do what I please, to have a place to always come back to. I don’t plant on just settling down and having babies right away, I may never have kids. I don’t see anything wrong with people who do, but I hate that if you don’t do what is “next on the list” that you are not successful. People I work with find it strange that I don’t apply for management positions when they are available, it’s always “you have a degree, don’t you want to make more money?” funny thing is, the people who say this to me are managers who are completely miserable. Everyday they come into work complain about their husbands/wives/kids, and then they take high-paying jobs, that always come with more stress and responsibility, and are always mad at the world and difficult to be around. I am sure this is not the case everywhere, but I don’t see the point of adding more stress and responsibility to my job for a few extra bucks at the end of the month. I don’t LOVE my current job, but what I do does keep me busy and it is interesting enough. I like that I am a little challenged by my work everyday, and yet at the end of the day I get to just leave and enjoy the rest of my life.
I also hate when people look down on others for working in the service industry or for “just” having an online-shop for their occupation. Service industry jobs are rough, god knows I have worked several of them, some worse than others, but they are not the worst places in the world. The work itself is hard, but I always loved my co-workers at those jobs, and some of the managers as well. I went on more bowling outings, birthday parties, and after-work drinks at those jobs than I do at my current one. The hiring manager at a resale clothing store I worked at (one of my favorite jobs), told me that she loved hiring people who worked in fast-food because they always were the hardest workers. People who start an online shop to see their art, photographs, crafts, etc. It is a lot of work and it takes balls to get it going.
I have no idea where this post came from, but I guess what I am trying to say is that whatever you do, people will always expect you to do more and they will always try to measure you by your “accomplishments”. Do you don’t have to buy a house to have a home; you don’t have to earn triple digits to enjoy your job. Hell, if what you want in life is to start a family, go for it. Life may never become completely perfect, but I honestly feel that if you follow what your passions are, you will be able to enjoy it a little more. Even in a wrinkled dress :)
Details
Dress-Modcloth
Belt-Thrifted
Shoes-Alloy
Purse &
Necklace-Gifts
Song of the day "Bottom of the Barrel" By Amos Lee
25 comments:
Hi sara!!!!! One week !!! how are you Sara!!!!!!!
Forever, forever, beautiful Sara!!!! Beautiful yours dress...
Kisses, kisses, kisses.....
Long time
Rose jp
i love this post, sara. i have always said that i would never be a person who defined myself by my career. and i totally screwed up everyone's ideas when i decided to have babies before getting married. although then, people just kept asking, "when are you getting married?"
Hi Sara! Love your blog. Just stay true to yourself, your beliefs, and do the things you want to do with your life - and you won't go wrong. I was criticized a lot in my twenties for not using my degree, not earning what I could, and not living up to other people's expecatations of me. I followed my dreams, traveled, explored, enjoyed life basically, and felt everyone else was a bit too serious. At 43, I know I did the right thing. I waited until I wanted to get married, until I wanted to start a family. It's hard not to let other people's expectations and judgments take hold, but it's doable, dammit! And so worth it. Somehow, I know you'll stay true to yourself... You've got a truly rad life - wonderful man, great friends and family, a home of your own - that really is as good as it gets.
"When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down 'happy'. They told me I didn't understand the assignment, and I told them they didn't understand life." - John Lennon
You, Sara, understand life!
Fantastic post. I too feel like I'm being pushed in certain directions at times. Luckily the people I work with and are around are in the same boat as me. We are a diverse group and therefore we are not expected to check off the next thing on the list. Some of the people I am constantly around have homes, but only one is married. Some have been divorced, have kids, have given babies up for adoption, are gay, are straight, are teachers, are artists, have masters degrees, have never been to college, want to settle down, want to go on adventures. We are a mixed bag and it is great. If I were back home, where I grew up, I would definitely be getting the "When are you going to have kids?" question constantly. Everyone follows societies protocol there. Marriage, babies, home. Sometimes home comes before babies, but rarely.
I love these colors on you.
Oh, I think people feel better about themselves when they can talk like that.
There is a lot of stress out there in the economy. Just think of yourself as surviving and enjoying life around you..and using your ingenuity at its best.
I'm sure they wish they knew what your secret was. Just be you!
Great update. I love your dress. I hope things are going great for the wedding.
Just keep smiling. You're doing great.
I think we all know where you are coming from. As if those others are holding the key to wisdom.
Such a beautiful outfit you are wearing.
I love this post! I just gotta be me!
But seriously, yes, I dislike the cookie cutters that society expects us to be in - first comes love, then marriage and then a baby carriage - so cliche and I can't stand it. I'm a happily married childless gal for now, I might have kids and I might not and that's totally OK!
And I love this dress.
This was refreshing to read today!
Thank you SO much for writing this and sharing your story! :)
Just recently, I had an older sibling decide to start drama in the family and tear each of us apart because we didn't work like her & live like her. The entire situation was childish and uncalled for, but she refuses to apologize for it. I started to doubt a bit that because I don't follow the conventional way of making money (like, a job in a building) and because I do something I enjoy (sell on Etsy, babysitting, etc) that I was maybe wrong. Maybe I was weird because I haven't found my niche and place in the real world.
But it's reading something like this that affirms I'm doing ok and there are some people who'd rather see happiness than success! I wish there were more of you! :)
I understand...I dont like it. I was recently promoted to executive for my company. And now even my best friends (I'm not talking about drinking buddies or friends that you pick up here and there...my REAL best friends), are talking behind my back. "Rosy's always been kind of a snob, but now she's a snob with power." It's just really annoying. Instead of being happy for me and my promotion they are talking bad about me. I'm still the same person that I was BEFORE the title.
Anywhooooo i love this dress I really love the wheat:) I HAVE to wear professional attire. Laaaame. Working for a super conservative company sucks!
More than anything, I like your handbag. I think it is super cute and totally classic.
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That is great that you love your job!! I loved the job I had at Subway, and I have said that IF I have thoughts of going back to work again (but I adore my non-paying job raising the boys, so that won't happen) then I'd go back to Subway. People who find this out think I'm very odd. Why would someone willingly work at a place where teenagers apply for summer jobs? haha. If you love your job, GOOD!!
That is terrible that people try to put pressure on you!
It's always too easy for others to judge, not knowing what you've been through or what you want. Just ignore any voices in your head that aren't yours - English degree, own house, happily married; it's all for you!
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What a great dress from Modcloth.
Oh, don't look back. Keep going forward. Don't think of the could have should've. You are loving life.
I really love this look on you, Sara. The spectator pumps are phenomenal; and I adore the print on your dress.
I think you make a good point...people don't understand how hard it is to put your work out there, and have people judge it - regardless of industry. :/
I have an English degree, and I work in marketing at an art museum. English degrees are very malleable. They also come in handy when you need to eloquently tell someone to f--- off for asking dumb questions about your job prospects.
So I don't have anything productive to add other than I totally know what you mean and I still haven't really figured out how to deal with the life list and people's expectations. That being said, I adore your outfit. I am always struggling to find work appropriate but still "me" outfits! XO Lori
i love this post sara, i know what's your feeling. i believe every job is great, and yes, you're very right: people will always expect you to do more. so all we can do just to our best and respect our self more :)
btw, you look really pretty and warm :)
This was a really great and honest post, Sara. This year I've had a lot of acquaintances say silly things to me like "oh, but that doesn't seem like you" or "that seems like your type of thing" and they barely even know me, yet I'm that easy to read! It's belittling and offensive and most of the time inaccurate (which is good and bad because it means I'm not an open book, but also that people have some serious misconceptions about me.) For the most part, these misconceptions are that I'm a lot bubblier, nicer (when I'm really snarky- okay, bitchy- people are shocked), and more organized than I actually am. Sometimes it's flattering, but other times I can tell it's just that person projecting who they want me to be. (Example, I can be quite the worrywort and I was really anxious right before graduation and expressing these stupid worries to a close friend, who replied, "But you're not usually like this!" Which isn't true whatsoever, she just chooses to ignore the anxiety prone side of my personality because she doesn't like it.) I think these misconceptions only get worse after you graduate. I can tell I fit people's expectations when I report that I'm going to grad school next year, but why do I need to placate anyone's expectations but my own? And you brought up a very valid point that you own a house and are getting married because you want to, not because society does. Do what makes you happy is hard enough mantra to actually follow, but it's irritating when people question that happiness. You're a really smart, thoughtful, funny, and extremely motivated individual, Sara and people shouldn't question that, but embrace it. I think as long as we expect that even if we are following what society dictates (whether intentionally or not) people will still pester us and we learn to nod politely, but give them the bird in our head, we will be fine. You sound like you're already doing that and power to ya!
PS I love your shoes!
I try to look professional...in pink.
I love your outfit, everything goes so well together. I especially adore your bag because it is so classy. I agree with so much of what you wrote. I hate it how there seems to be one route to follow and if you don't people are so crticial. I am worried about the pressure to have kids soon after getting married. Just because many people do doesn't mean I want to. I'm getting married young and I haven't even started my career so its definitely not going to happen but people are very judgemental.
Such a great post! It seems like when you meet people they ask all these personal questions about your job/what exactly you do/the company you work for etc I think maybe it's an age thing because I don't remember getting these intense questions when I was younger! I completely understand why you'd pass on a management job, it doesn't sound appealing at all!!
Also, my dresses are always wrinkled an hour after getting dressed. It happens!
Totally speaking to me dear. Money does not equal happiness, neither does power and babies. People just can't get out of their stupid little bubble of what is considered "normal." So many of my friends back home in IL thought I was crazy to leave and try something outside of what was "normal" and it was the best decision I've ever made in my life. Do what makes you happy girl. And tell all those mother f'ers what's up. :)
Digging this dress. love the natural feel of it and how you are owning it, wrinkles and all. :)
Must have missed this post somehow, but love it. The dress is beautiful and I really really want it, ha ha. But mostly, this post echos everything I have been feeling lately. Not so impressed with everyone wanting me to follow in a line like a lemming. Do everything according to society standards. I get scoffed at when mentioning I may never want kids ("Oh, pfft, yes you will!") and people cannot understand why I am not in love with my government job ("OH,but it's such good money!!) Bah. I just wish people would understand being happy and being yourself trumps all.
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